I'll trust the pharmacist

So ,I broke up with my looooooong time girlfriend a week ago today. 6years!!!!- it went pretty well as a matter of fact-insults, accusations, tears, hugs and all!
Told her that we need rediscover our individuality, reconnect with ourselves and redefine who we truly are or something to that effect...twas a lie- a carefully constructed, well rehearsed and alliterated lie, but undoubtedly a more than necessary one...there was just no way I could tell her that we're breaking up because well, I'm more gay than straight...doesn't sound logical even now as I think it. Plus, and more importantly I just couldn't put her through that kind of heartache- not her gentle heart, no not her!...she'd probably think that SHE turned me gay and blame herself for it! I just couldn't have that.

Well anyway, we decided to remain friends- a concept which I, at that moment, was more than ecstatic about. I even let my silly little mind wander like 3 years into the future and I saw how super-cool It'd be when she'd know Im gay but still be my bestfriend... In retrospect, I now utterly rue it !

See,the thing is, we met this past Sunday (friends do things like that) and she asked if we could do it i.e engage in coitus/copulate one more time (note: we haven't done it since the awakening began)... perhaps this is why she was so amicable about the break up...anyway I digress!... as I was saying, being the absolute punk that I am, I sed Yes! Can you blame me though? How in the name of zeus' buttocks- yes, they have a name!- could I say no to a 4 night all expense paid trip to the mara?????????

I've just finished packing and now I'm trying to strategize this whole thing... I've bought gallons of alcohol and some viagra which I hope should do the trick!- the chemist sed that the adverse reactions are negligible...ish.

It is what it is!

How do I make a start? How do I muster up the courage to splash into the unfamiliar water that is homosexuality? I never really felt like I was in the closet...maybe its because the closet was somewhere in the dark, repressed recesses of my mind. Now that its at the fore, and I now know that I'm right in it, now that I'm beginning to understand and embrace my sexuality, I realise that I cant breathe! It feels like i have a fcuking pneumothorax.. its dark, damp, I'm scared, I'm sweating and Im alone...so alone!
I have many friends, but there's no one I could talk to and it sucks! I wish to god that I had a gay friend- Ive never even had a conversation with a gay dude- how fcuked up is that?!
I know it'd really help if I did though, ... at least there'd be someone standing right beside me in it or even on the other side of the closet that i could to talk to. Anyway, it is what it is! A series of stiff restoratives should fix me right up... for a couple of hours at least!